Two months ago, to the day, I- Squad deplaned for the very last time as this exact conglomeration of individuals. We huddled together to pray one last time and then we immediately began to rush in different directions to make our connecting flights, call taxis to grab a bite in the city, or to meet our parents who’d made the drive to collect us.
It’s over.
Eleven of the most beautifully challenging months of our lives are behind us and we’re pressing forward, believing that the best is yet to come. We ended the same way we started. With tender hearts, sore eyes, and raw ears.
Thank you, God.
At this moment, I’m sitting on the floor in a bunk room at the Adventures in Missions headquarters in Gainesville, Georgia where I’ve been for eighteen days. You likely know that I committed to three months on the field as a team leader for the January 2022 Expedition Squad. If not, check out this blog: God Gave me the Choice to Exalt Myself or to Follow Him to the Ends of the Earth.
Since my arrival to the base, I’ve tested positive for covid five times and therefore have not yet been able to launch to be with our squad and host ministry in Romania. If I’m being honest with you, I’m not feeling even the slightest twinge of frustration or disappointment. There were definitely some of those feelings when I initially tested positive, but I laid those at the cross and picked up the peace of my Father that surpasses understanding and began to move on. I haven’t had a symptom in fourteen days and am so thankful for the time that I’ve had here to reflect and be refreshed with the Lord.
God brought me to one specific realization that left me weeping on the floor of the training center as I worshiped Him with my new squad. I never mourned the loss of my last community before I entered this new one. As I began to sift through those feelings and thoughts, God prompted me to write a letter to them, so here it is.
I Squad,
I actually wrote most of this letter to you before our launch, but never shared it. Reading over it recently, I thought it’d be valuable to share it to help encapsulate how I felt about you before I even really knew you and how I feel now that I’ve spent a year with you.
The last leg of my trip, from Atlanta to Gainesville, gave anxiety plenty of space to amplify as I mentally examined this looming collection of expectations that I had created, not for the week ahead, but for you. You see, we weren’t given much to preface our time at training camp, so I had to do some work on my own. Since I couldn’t formulate any expectations for camp, I resorted to developing some for you. I’ve lived in a community similar to this before, every summer in college actually, this type of community is no foreign concept to me.
Unknowingly, you’ve been surveyed by the standard of my past experiences and I’d like to apologize to you for that. Don’t take it too hard though, I’ve done this before and each time the Lord has faithfully crushed my expectations. I work real hard to build this little kingdom in my head and I watch as it crumbles under the feet of Jesus and becomes dust beneath the foundation of what He has for me, something that’s always better. Somehow, I’m always overwhelmed by what He does for me, what He gives to me, and who He sets before me.
Once again, I find myself undone by the work of our Lord. I am beside myself at how intricately important every person is to our team, there is value and purpose in the fact that you are on this squad. Something I am most thrilled to explore with you in the coming year is why He intentionally brought this group of people together. This pandemic has destroyed so much, but what Jesus is rebuilding is going to shake the earth.
I keep thinking to myself as I write this: “how can I feel so strongly for a group of people that you have known for nine real life days.” You are my family. You are my brothers and sisters. It’s so easy to love you because our hearts are tethered to the one who calls us sons and daughters. How flipping cool!?
Before launch, I wrote that the only expectation I have for you moving forward is that you continue to zealously and fervently seek the Lord and His purpose for every moment. That hasn’t changed. This is all I want for you. The prince of this world shudders when you walk into a room because of your unwavering devotion to our King Jesus.
Reflecting on the year, I’m so grateful for the memories that we have together and the miracles that we saw God do. Remember these?
Worshiping with hundreds of like minded believers in Guatemala
Josiah’s ear being healed
Villega didn’t make a deal with the devil
Going to war in the Big Yellow House
Worshiping in the kitchen in Jaco
Being alive after hiking a volcano that erupted 24 hours after we were there
Seven hours in the tub
Five hours in the pool in Kyrgyzstan
Healing after Healing at 2 am in a Turkish park
God feeding us on trails in Georgia
Jackie was healed from ADHD
Tito’s Knee was healed
That time we prayed for a week straight in the desert
Worshiping with our faithful brothers and sisters in Armenia
Celebrating the salvation of our “December Cloud” at final debrief
No one tested positive before a travel day
Being the church on the roof of a hostel in a muslim country
WE GOT INTO THE 10/40 WINDOW IN A GLOBAL PANDEMIC
I really could go on for pages because God was and IS so faithful, but you get the point. We’ve been through alot together and I’ll never forget these days with you.
Thanks for reminding me that I only want to be found faithful to our Lord, for teaching me what it means to speak and to lead with authority, and for demonstrating a heart so spectacularly in love with Jesus. I’m so incredibly thankful for this year. You’re awesome and I thank God that I get to know you. I’m proud of you and I’m proud to be I-Squad.
Sincerely,
AWM
Would you join me in remembering all that God has done in this last year? Share a story of how you saw God’s faithfulness or how he stirred your heart with one of my stories. This is an open invitation for anyone who reads this blog!
The word Testimony literally means to do it again, so when we recount the faithfulness of God with our stories, we are declaring his power and asking him to do it again.
Father, would you bless this comment thread with testimony after testimony of your goodness. I love you.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more updates about what God is doing while I’m locked up in this closet. hahah
I love you.
AWM
Aharon my brother I don’t have the words to tell you how many feelings this blog brought me. I’m praying every day for your testing negative and how much will happen on this new trip for you.
Okay maybe I’m thinking just a little that I want you stuck until next Friday so I can selfishly sneak off and hug you (and Linds). But I know it’s all in Gods timing so I pray for safe travels and sleep on flights (especially for Linds).
I just want to remember that night in T where we worshiped in that hostels kitchen and had our Muslim brothers and sisters coming in to see what was happening. They saw so much love and joy in our faces and voices that they took out their phones and started recording us! Now there are videos praising God on phones in a Muslim country all because we didn’t hold back our voices that night. A brother started asking questions about our God because we didn’t hold back that night. And our hostel workers asked to hear more of us singing because we didn’t hold back and we let God loose on them that night.
Hmmmm…maybe echoey worship through the MOM mansion…seeing that man up and walking after God healed him…getting to share the gospel with a witch…tears rolling down cheeks as the words “I’m healed” rolled off her tongue…Gos STILL CHOOSING to partner with me and utilize me when I was in a place of deep desperation and brokenness…testing negative for covid 6 times in the last three weeks…seeing people set free and DELIVERED!!! I’m stunned by the goodness of God.
I’m blown away!!
SO GOOD BIG BROTHER!!! Thanks for the reminder of God’s goodness and just how amazing I Squad truly was. I think the unity and love we had even through the times of conflict was a miracle in itself. We became the Church and the sweet taste of it is something I will always seek to find and share with even more people. God shows up on rooftops, in bathtubs, at parks, and in basements. We take Church with us wherever we go, together or apart, and He is ALWAYS there with us!
YES YES YES! What a night! Thank Jesus for using our worship to minister to your people!
Thanks for sharing, Silva. Oh how I love and miss ya! Let’s catch up soon!
gah. RETWEET. come on Lord. He’s so stinkin faithful!
what a word. I frickin love this squad and am so thankful for the mems and stories that we share!
I love you and miss you fiercely. I know you’re rockin’ down in Costa Rica!!!